NOTE: The following is intended as SATIRE. It is for entertainment purposes only and is not meant to be taken in a serious manner. Although…
As I was scanning through the national news network services this morning, I came across an interest, albeit odd, story about a small town in Colorado that wants to give hunters a license to hunt…are ya ready?…
Yup, the people of Deer Trail, Co. are getting set to vote on a measure to allow licensed hunters to shoot down UAVs (Unmanned Aerial Vehicles) aka ‘Drones’, as a protest against what the town’s residents describe as the ‘Surveillance State’ that America has become, in light of revelations of the NSA’s unwarranted spying on American citizens.
Naturally, the Federal government doesn’t want to see this idea go forward, as the FAA recently made the shooting of drones a crime. But considering that the FAA (WE ain’t happy unless YOU ain’t happy) is one of the Federal Government’s most under-budgeted entities, enforcing this law may present a wee bit of a problem for them.
So, I got to thinking (dangerous habit, I know), why not institute this idea here locally? I mean there ARE indeed surveillance UAVs present in and around this area, and not all of them are privately-owned.
Here’s how it would work:
First, make the operation of a UAV by anyone for the purpose of surveillance illegal, carrying a fine of $500 for each infraction. Drones owned and/or operated by Federal Entities are exempt from fines, but will be scavenged for parts for use in R/C planes and cars.
Second, issue ‘Drone Blasting Permits’ to licensed hunters in the area, stipulating that only a shotgun using buck or birdshot be used for ammunition, no slugs, and having a barrel length no shorter than 18 inches.
Third, all drones are to be presented to the local DEP for confirmation and limit the numbers of drones one can bag to 5 per day, daylight hunting hours only.
Hunters turning in drones will receive 50% of the fine levied against the owner of the drone (that’s $250 a pop for all my friends who have difficulty with math and such). Federally-owned drones, while exempt from fines, gets the hunter that bags one a one month reserved parking spot at Town Hall, and an award for community service, presented by the Board of Selectmen. The remaining 50% goes toward much-needed services here in town (in light of this idea, expanding our Ambulance Service comes to mind).
Hey, forget skeet and trap shooting. This sounds like a heckuva lot more fun, don’t it?
Okay, by now, some of you are thinking “Great idea.” (Uh, you are, aren’t ya?) “But where do we find drones to hunt and cash in on this great idea and get that reserved parking spot?”
Turns out there are multiple areas here in town that have put out ‘Drone Bait.’ These are 3’x5’ yellow banners with the image of a coiled rattlesnake, and the words ‘Don’t Tread On Me’ beneath the snake. Locate one of these places and look up. You will most likely see several small objects circling this ‘baited field.’ Drones are naturally attracted to these yellow banners. On a good day, you may even bag one with the letters ‘IRS’ placed somewhere on it.
Well, anywho, there’s my idea. Give it some thought and let me know what ya think.
Meanwhile, I’m packing up the Mossberg and heading out to Colorado.
Si vis Pacem, Para Bellum